Chapter 1 When the Pastor Can't Preach His Own Sermons

The Specific Pain of Pastoral Depression There is a particular anguish in standing at the pulpit and preaching hope you don't feel. Offering comfort you cannot receive. Declaring the nearness of God in a season when you feel nothing but distance. This is not hypocrisy. It is one of the most common and most difficult realities of pastoral depression. You believe the things you preach — cognitively, theologically, historically. But in your current experience, they feel unreachable. The faith is there, but the feeling of faith is not. And because the role requires you to appear strong, you cannot tell anyone. You put on the face, deliver the sermon, shake the hands, pray the prayers — and then go home to the dark that no one knows about. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?" — Psalm 22:1 Jesus Himself quoted Psalm 22 from the cross. If the Son of God cried out from the dark, you have permission to do the same. Your cry from the valley is not a failure of faith. It is faith.