Chapter 3 Protecting Your Kids From Unhealthy Expectations

Your Job as the Protective Parent The congregation may have expectations of your children. That is the congregation's prerogative. But you are the one who decides how much those expectations are allowed to govern your children's actual lives. Your job is to create a home environment in which your children are known and loved as individuals — not as ministry mascots or pastoral credentials. They should be free to struggle with faith questions, to have normal-kid failures, to not be perfectly behaved in every church setting, to develop their own relationship with God on a timeline that is theirs, not the congregation's. This may require direct conversations with congregation members who are placing unreasonable expectations on your kids. It may require explicit protection of family events from ministry intrusions. It may require telling your board that your children's wellbeing is a non-negotiable that the ministry schedule must accommodate. "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."" — Matthew 19:14 No one in your congregation has the right to hold your children to a higher standard than their own. When they try, you are the one who says no.