Chapter 4 How to Find Your People

You Have to Go Looking Genuine pastoral friendships do not typically arrive uninvited. They are built — with intention, over time, through repeated investment. Most pastors wait for friendship to happen to them. Most continue waiting. The starting point is simple: identify two or three other pastors — ideally outside your direct ministry context — who you would want to know better. Not the polished platform pastors. The real ones. The ones who seem honest, who seem like they are actually wrestling with the same things you are. Then reach out. Invite coffee. Be the one who initiates. Be specific: "I'd love to get together not for any ministry reason, just to actually know each other better." Most pastors, offered that invitation, will accept it gratefully. The Pastor's Peer Group One of the most powerful friendship structures for pastors is a small peer group of three to six pastors who meet regularly for honest conversation, prayer, and mutual support. Not a professional development group. Not a church growth consultation. A friendship group — where the agenda is each other. These groups work best when they are diverse enough to provide different perspectives but similar enough in ministry context to have genuine empathy. Bivocational pastors understand each other in ways that full-time megachurch pastors may not. Church planters understand each other. Rural pastors understand each other. PCN exists in part to facilitate exactly these connections. The network is not just a resource platform — it is an opportunity to find your people, the pastors who will walk through this work with you. Your people are out there. They are probably as lonely as you are. Somebody has to go first. Go first.