Chapter 4 When Doubt Creeps In

Every Called Pastor Doubts Let's be honest about something most pastors don't say from the pulpit: there are days when you have no idea if you are supposed to be doing this. Days when the whole enterprise feels like a mistake — yours, or someone else's, or both. Calling doubt is one of the most isolating experiences in ministry. You can't easily talk about it with your congregation. You may not want to say it to your spouse. And in a room full of pastors, it can feel like you are the only one whose confidence has cracks. You are not the only one. Not even close. "I have labored in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing and vanity; yet surely my right is with the Lord, and my recompense with my God." — Isaiah 49:4 What Is Actually Happening When You Doubt Calling doubt almost always arrives in the company of something else: exhaustion, criticism, failure, comparison, or prolonged suffering. It rarely arrives on a good Sunday when the church is growing and your marriage is strong. This is important information. It means that what looks like a question about your calling is often actually a question about your capacity, your circumstances, or your current season. The calling hasn't changed. You have been worn down. When doubt comes, before you make any decisions, ask: Am I rested? Am I in a healthy community? Am I processing this with someone who can speak into it? Exhausted pastors make terrible decisions about their callings. Rest first. Then evaluate. Don't make permanent decisions from temporary pain. Wait until the fog lifts before you decide what the landscape looks like. Returning to Your Ebenezer In 1 Samuel 7, after God delivers Israel, Samuel takes a stone and calls it Ebenezer — "Thus far the Lord has helped us." It was a marker. A memorial. A place to return to when the future was uncertain. You need your own Ebenezers. The moments when God clearly acted. The confirmations that were undeniable. The seasons when His hand was evident. Write them down. Keep a record. When the fog rolls in, go back to those markers. The call you received on a clear day does not become invalid on a cloudy one. The stone is still there. Go stand by it.